Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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