i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
