i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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