I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
