She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm too high and old for this...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
