He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
