whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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