I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
