the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
