K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
