I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
