Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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