Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was like eating out sand paper
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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