Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
