Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize