Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
