Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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