Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.