i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
