3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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