I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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