Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
