He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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