Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
