we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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