you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
