you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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