Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
