So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This is the high leading the old right now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
