I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize