I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
