Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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