I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
