absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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