My first STD was from a foam party
even my farts smell like vagina
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
try to milk me bitch
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