She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My ass is underappreciated
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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