My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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