brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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