how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
