My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
