Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
