I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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