i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
