she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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