She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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