maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
