I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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