I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
