I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
