So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
