just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
