I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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