i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
