She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
