We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
