One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
