Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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