He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
