Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
