are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
