A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
