I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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