Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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