he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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