Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way

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  (614): shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way http://tfl.nu/s2k7
  Replies (3) Good night (1039) Bad night (1230)
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  (909): View more from California

  good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant

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  (909): good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant http://tfl.nu/4y6m
  Replies (10) Good night (644) Bad night (2610)
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  (516): View more from New York

  How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"

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  (516): How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction" http://tfl.nu/s1bm
  Replies (16) Good night (846) Bad night (4931)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.

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  (704): Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker. http://tfl.nu/w3ss
  Replies (30) Good night (7818) Bad night (1118)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

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  (239): just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one http://tfl.nu/sg9e
  Replies (18) Good night (7635) Bad night (1589)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.

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  (215): I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day. http://tfl.nu/v175
  Replies (10) Good night (4186) Bad night (817)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...

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  (781): I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing... http://tfl.nu/jqiv
  Replies (6) Good night (2556) Bad night (1169)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.

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  (847): I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it. http://tfl.nu/yf92
  Replies (28) Good night (1690) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.

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  (781): They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me. http://tfl.nu/xmpj
  Replies (3) Good night (565) Bad night (1168)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.

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  (206): I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/0ln2
  Replies (7) Good night (2659) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food

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  (917): I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food http://tfl.nu/2i31
  Replies (4) Good night (404) Bad night (540)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.

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  (207): Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out. http://tfl.nu/biah
  Replies (5) Good night (541) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You're such a Yankee.

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  (401): He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable. (508): You're such a Yankee. http://tfl.nu/y54r
  Replies (0) Good night (731) Bad night (325)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....

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  (706): I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it.... http://tfl.nu/dz68
  Replies (3) Good night (456) Bad night (201)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.

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  (216): it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes. http://tfl.nu/hh6x
  Replies (0) Good night (93) Bad night (57)

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