I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.