Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.

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(716): View more from New York

Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

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(619): View more from California

It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(785): View more from Kansas

The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am

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(407): View more from Florida

Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.

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(408): View more from California

You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.

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(903): View more from Texas

I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?

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(443): View more from Maryland

I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.

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