i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?