Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.