Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
