Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
