I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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