I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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