I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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