it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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