I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
