i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
