Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
did i just pee glitter
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
