When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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