If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize