Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Come share oat with me in your robe
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
